If Life Were a Relational Database

January 11, 2009 at 10:54 am (IRL) (, )

Time for more abstract representations of my life. Wouldn’t it be great if making drastic changes to ones life was as simple as executing a series of SQL statements?

update Life.Job set Salary = 40,000 where CurrentJob = 1
update Life.Body set Fitness = 'Healthy'
delete from Life.Memories where Description like '%Rachael%'
and 2008-01-01 < Date < 2009-01-01
insert into Life.Girlfriends(Name, DOB, StartDate)
values('Sarah Kerrigan', 1984-04-07, getdate())*
update Life.Skills set Value = 450 where Type = 'Cooking'
update Life.Moods set Enabled = 0 where Mood = 'Emo'
delete from Life.Debts where Name = 'Student Loan'

Oh and for the record, this isn’t meant in an emo-rific sense. While some of these are out of my hands, the cooking at fitness things aren’t, and I’m actually doing something about that. In a few minutes I’ll be going swimming for the 3rd time this year, and tonight I shall be cooking myself a prawn stir fry. So there.

*I don’t actually know a Sarah Kerrigan; I merely looked at my Blizzard mousemat whilst fishing for a name and noticed the Queen of Blades.

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